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Literature Text
Switch it straight off and go;
The lights, the love, the romance.
We saw, and loved it, and allowed let it grow
But then we all snapped out of this trance.
And stay quiet my love,
The light won't come back on,
Death could grab you from above.
This spark is way foregone;
My mourning dove.
Your shadow's here in the dark;
No lights, the hatred, the horror.
You shot it, you stabbed it, yet it still carried on
You realised it was part of your own soul
And stay quiet my love,
The light won't come back on,
Death could grab you from above.
This spark is way foregone;
My mourning dove.
Down here, it's much too cold.
Now this story will unfold.
You can't even hear my screams.
My screams, my wails, my whispers!
And stay down low, my love,
The pain is almost gone;
Hatred gives your soul a shove.
This spark is way foregone;
My mourning dove.
The lights, the love, the romance.
We saw, and loved it, and allowed let it grow
But then we all snapped out of this trance.
And stay quiet my love,
The light won't come back on,
Death could grab you from above.
This spark is way foregone;
My mourning dove.
Your shadow's here in the dark;
No lights, the hatred, the horror.
You shot it, you stabbed it, yet it still carried on
You realised it was part of your own soul
And stay quiet my love,
The light won't come back on,
Death could grab you from above.
This spark is way foregone;
My mourning dove.
Down here, it's much too cold.
Now this story will unfold.
You can't even hear my screams.
My screams, my wails, my whispers!
And stay down low, my love,
The pain is almost gone;
Hatred gives your soul a shove.
This spark is way foregone;
My mourning dove.
Feb 2010 EDIT: Okay, I'll rewrite a description for this, seeing as recently, despite the poem's age, it's been getting more attention. Actually, all my best poems have been receiving quite some attention, mainly in the form of several features. Unfortunately, said features haven't really garnered many views for the deviations, but that's alright.
Anyway, I still regard this as one of my best. It's written ever-so slightly differently than my usual way, but that'd only be recognisable to me.
According to the old description, 'I based it on a fictional character that feels they've been left in the dark after their lover has left them.' However, as always, I prefer to leave it to reader interpretation. My perception of the poem should be one of many.
Anyway, I still regard this as one of my best. It's written ever-so slightly differently than my usual way, but that'd only be recognisable to me.
According to the old description, 'I based it on a fictional character that feels they've been left in the dark after their lover has left them.' However, as always, I prefer to leave it to reader interpretation. My perception of the poem should be one of many.
© 2008 - 2024 Toadsanime
Comments123
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Overall
Vision
Originality Technique ImpactSo I decided to make my first critique since forever ^^
This piece caught my eye in a feature, your rhyming words and this poem..message comes across fantastically.
Though I'm not a professional poet, I do write poetry ever so often, and your use of rhyming words is very clever.
I can almost see this piece as lyrics, verse one, verse two, chorus...
The beginning :
Switch it straight off and go;
The lights, the love, the romance.
We saw, and loved it, and allowed let it grow
But then we all snapped out of this trance.
and the end:
And stay down low, my love,
The pain is almost gone;
Hatred gives your soul a shove.
This spark is way foregone;
My mourning dove.
This poem displays hatred and love
my mourning dove, morning dove, it was overall a wonderful poem!